we stand worlds apart [DEL]

[drew adrian o'connel]

What time was it? What day was it? Fuck. She didn't know. It was dark outside, and she'd slept most of the day. Good thing she hadn't been called somewhere to work. She probably couldn't drive right now. Drew's hands were shaking as she turned up the stereo to some loud rock station. Lyrics that were being yelled made no sense to her. The sound just drowned out her headache and the roar of hunger in her stomach. But both of those things weren't as powerful as her urge for the amount of coke that she'd begun to dole out on top of her dresser. Her hair was a mess, standing up as if she'd been electrocuted. Drew had been in the same white wife beater and black sweatpants for the past three days. She hadn't left her apartment. She was running low on cigarettes. The young woman hadn't been this bad since Chicago. But things were just about as bad as they were that two years or so ago.

After hanging up the phone with Del, she'd turned to the only comfort within reach. Drugs had always been her outlet. When she'd skipped town in LA and found herself broke and on the run, the one medium that'd stuck was drugs. She could always rely on them to make her feel better.. or at least help her forget. Both of which were considered good. Drew was rather surprised at how much of the blow she had left. A bullet or two would do the trick when she started using again. But now, her third (or was it fourth) day into relapse required more. Now it was at least two or three lines. Using a credit card, she separated the cocaine out on the dresser, blinking several times to keep it all in focus. "Fuck."

Her hands needed to be steady before she would go insane. The white chalky lines were slightly sideways, but they would do. Drew leaned into the dresser, letting out a breath before lowering herself down and inhaling the first line quickly, leaving only flecks of white behind. She gripped her nose, holding in the drug and taking a breath before trying to get the rest into her system. She coughed, craning her neck to one side and feeling the effects take over her body. There. No more shaking. Drew was better now, but she still wasn't feeling the best. Her head still hurt, she was still hungry, and it still felt like someone had ripped her heart out and threw it against the wall before shoving it back down her throat. This was better though, at least now she couldn't fuck up Del's life like she was her own. "Goddamn." Drew couldn't recognize her own voice anymore.

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[delaware zelda meehan]

Hot coffee had only cured so much of the blurry-eyedness she was suffering. It was close to two AM when she finally pulled the small economy-sized car into the parking lot of Drew’s apartment building. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been driving, eight hours at least. She hadn’t realized how far away New York was from the Hallow, no wonder she had never planned to make this trip before. She turned off the car and stared at the building before her. She should have gone back to her own place to start packing, that’s what was best for the both of them. But she couldn’t just officially leave without telling Drew exactly how she felt and how she’d like for it to be. Of course, she knew that Drew wouldn’t like to see things her way and would probably even end up fighting her the entire way.

Which was exactly why Del brought hand cuffs. And not them frilly ‘fun in bed’ cuffs. No, they were real metal, but they were also created for fun in bed and just incase the was lost, hit them hard enough in the right spot and you were free. After a few more minutes, the plan still fresh and new parts being added with every moment, Delaware stepped out of the car. She placed the cuffs in her back pocket and the key to Drew’s apartment in her hand. Being friends with Drew for over a year paid off in that aspect. After locking the door, Del quickly made her way up to Drew’s apartment, trying to decide how to do what depending on where Drew was located in the apartment.

Reaching the door, Del could see a dim string of light coming out from under it, and music. Well, at least Drew was home. Just to be safe, she checked the door. It was locked. That’s where the key came handy. She opened the door and pushed it open and stepped inside. Drew wasn’t anywhere in sight, but that didn’t mean much. Del shut the door and locked it back up before walking up to the stereo system and flicking it off. That when she heard Drew in the bedroom. Making her way there her eyes widened as she spotted Drew in front of the crooked lines and looking like the walking dead. Damn, she knew it wasn’t going to be pretty but this was bad. Del marched up to the dressed and swiped her hand over the crooked lines, making a mess that couldn’t be cleaned back up, before grabbing hold of Drew’s upper arm and yanking her toward the bed. ”I leave for two fucking months and you try to kill yourself?” she asked rather angry before throwing Drew onto the bed as best she could. Yay for going to the gym in New York, plus it helped that Drew wasn’t the best on her feet right now.

That’s when Del straddled Drew’s thighs, pulled out the hand cuffs and somehow managed to cuff Drew’s hand up to the bed frame. ”God, I can’t fucking believe you!” Delaware told Drew before angrily attacking Drew’s lips with her own, pushing her back onto the bed. She knew she wouldn’t be able to resist doing that. Drew had been all she could think about over the past year, and more so over the past two months, and with Drew at her mercy now, damn straight she was going to take advantage of it.

[drew adrian o'connel]

She was too zoned out in her own little drug induced world to really know or care what was going on outside her room and the living room. Drew had locked the door last night, feeling slightly paranoid that the cops would bust in over a noise complaint and find her on the floor, passed out cold. If she was going to be out, it was going to be by herself. She figured the music covered up most of her incoherent words and moments where she just completely broke down. It was better than someone being worried about her. They had their own problems, let Drew deal with hers in peace. Or, in this chaotic slip.

When the music shut off, she barely noticed, staring at the next two lines in front of her as if they were challenging her sanity. Could she really do this much again? Three lines was a lot, even for her standards. Drew rubbed her nose again, sniffing a few times to clear her sinuses out of whatever had begun to clog her nose up. Wait, where was the music? She looked towards the door, confusion crossing her features. Who the fuck- "Shit," Drew said, watching as Del stormed through the room. "No!" A faint shout escaped her lips as she reached for the top of the dresser but it was too late. Fuck fuck fuck. Disappointment turned into anger as she looked at the other girl. What gave her the fucking right?

"Fuck you!" she yelled, looking at Delaware, feeling nothing but rage now in her veins. What the fuck was she doing!? Drew struggled against the other girl's tight grip, but finding no strength in herself, she resorted to just staring down Del. "What the fuck does it matter to you what I fucking do," she grimaced. Del's face looked blurry in the dim lighting of the room, and things seemed to moving at a much faster pace. What the hell was going on? Handcuffs? What? Drew looked up at what was now keeping her restrained to the bed before Delaware kissed her.

Delaware kissed her? Her eyes snapped shut, kissing the other girl back with as much force as one could while being chained up. She was so angry. Goddammit. She was so angry. But it wasn't like she could do anything about it now. Delaware had planned this out so she was now in control of everything. As high as Drew was, though, a warmness that wasn't related to the coke grew in her body. Del was here. And although she was acting like a huge prick, she was still here. What the fuck was going on?

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[delaware zelda meehan]

Delaware really didn’t want to listen to anything Drew had to say, not when she had so much of her own words to say. Of course, he lips were a little too busy at that exact moment to say much, and Drew kissing her back didn’t help her keep her train of thought. Then again, being around Drew at all hadn’t ever helped her train of thought. If it had, maybe they would never have made it to this point. And god Del loved kissing her. And this kiss right here, yeah it was topping pretty much every single kiss they’d ever done in the past. And it really didn’t help that every time Del was near Drew all she wanted to do was touch her and feel her against her. God the past year had been nothing compared to the two months after they had done just that.

Del finally managed to detach her lip’s from Drew’s, which wasn’t an easy thing to do. ”God, you’re so fucking stupid,” she murmured against Drew’s lips . Delaware sat up slightly, mainly enough to get her hands between them and slip Drew’s shirt up toward her armpits before running her hands over Drew’s breast. She moaned as she leaned forward and pressed her entire body closer to Drew’s before kissing her again. This was how they were supposed to be. Only a little less angry with each other and themselves, a little less high, and Drew not being handcuffed. Oh well, soon enough Delaware was going to get what she had to say out and would make her point before leaving Drew to her own devices to decide whether or not she actually wanted Del to hang around. At the moment, Delaware wasn’t going no where. ”We need to talk,” she murmured against Drew’s lips, letting one hand leave Drew’s breast to stroke her cheek.

[drew adrian o'connel]

This was hard. This was really hard. Drew couldn't move her arms. She couldn't make the moves. She was rendered pretty much helpless. Did she like this? This whole, not being in control thing? Fuck no. She actually hated this. Delaware was in control now, and she couldn't do anything about it. But in some ways, Drew was rather happy about this situation. After all, Del was here, and they were making out. There was nothing really wrong with that. Kissing Del made her forget all the shit she'd done the past two months; all the meaningless sex, the money wasted on drugs, and the times she'd spent driving around aimlessly in her jeep, partially considering driving to New York and partially considering driving into the ocean. As much as she hated being taken advantage of like this, Drew had to admit, it was turning her on. A lot.

With as much effort as she could, she kissed Delaware fiercely, making it known that she was pissed about this, but she was also hot for it. When the other girl detached and muttered something about Drew's stupidity, she smirked, "Fuck you." She knew she was stupid, and now she was paying for it. Del's departure had really taken it's toll, probably more than either of them really cared to talk about. Being angry at each other did have it's benefits, though. She probably hadn't been this turned on in... ever. Drew arched her back, pressing into Delaware as best she could while being constrained to the bed. Fuck. She didn't need to be high to enjoy this. "Okay," she said quietly, not wanting to break their contact for too long. Don't ruin this with words Del, Drew silently urged. Their actions could do the talking.

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[delaware zelda meehan]

Del smirked at the ‘fuck you’ line. It was partially why she was there after all. Of course, she had no intention of giving Drew the satisfaction of an orgasm. Not to night anyway. What she had planned was to molest the other girl to show her how things could actually be, explain a few things and then leave. She’d be leaving Drew with a choice, and Drew had until Sunday night to decide what she wanted. And god Del hoped she’d give the right answer, because New York was a lonely place and being with Drew, even in the fucked up way they were, made her not want to go back. Ever.

Delaware’s lips parted from Drew’s, and cautiously trailed down to her ear. She gently bit Drew’s ear lobe before sighing. ”I want you so fucking bad. Have you not noticed this? But I want to be the only one you want. I can’t keep quiet anymore Drew. The thought of you with someone else kills me. It has since we first met. I’m selfish, but I want you to look at other women and compare them to me. I want you to think that I’m better and they aren’t worth your time. And then when all that’s said and done I want you to find me and fuck me until I don’t know which way’s up.” Her words were quiet against Drew’s ear as she tried to keep all her frustration out of her voice, which wasn’t an easy thing to do. Her hand’s were gently massaging her breasts, and every now and again her hips would sway against Drew’s. But Del wasn’t done, far from it. ”I’ve kept my mouth shut and bit my tongue for over a year, because I know how you feel about relationships. But I can’t do it no more. It’s slowly killing me inside.”

[drew adrian o'connel]

She was content with this. She could work with this for sure. Maybe not the handcuffs, but that seemed to just add to the fun. Or maybe it was because she was stoned that she found the situation ironic and funny. Normally, Drew would be pissed about something like this and wouldn't even dare kiss Delaware back. But god, she'd missed the other girl. And this surprise fuck, or whatever it was, was actually something she could see happening more often. Maybe only with Del. And maybe not. Drew had a hard time taking monogamy seriously. And this whole talking thing, that should just be out of the question. But that was in coked-out Drew world, and this was the real world. She had to come crashing down sooner or later.

How could she not know this already? Drew was well-aware of how Del felt, she'd known for the longest time. But she didn't do relationships. They were nothing but trouble. Too much control and definitely too much work. She liked things simple. Meet someone, fuck, and be done with it. No strings, she'd made that perfectly clear. But now there were strings... there always had been really. Leaving things at a crossroads like this... that was just too much for Drew. She wanted to run from this, lose herself back into the white powder that was now scattered on the floor. Was she supposed to say something now? Was this supposed to be her time to speak? "I don't do relationships," she said quietly, eyes shut, not wanting to look at Del and not wanting to do this anymore.

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[delaware zelda meehan]

When Delaware had finished her short little speech, her lips began to molest the side of Drew’s neck and face right around her ear, waiting for something, anything from Drew. But when Drew finally spoke, it wasn’t something Del had fully expected. She just poured her heart out and told Drew that she wanted to be fucked until she couldn’t walk and all that other girl had to say was she didn’t do relationships? What the hell? Del abruptly sat up and sent a glare down to Drew, placing her hands on her hips. ”Why the fuck not, Drew? That’s something I’ve never got about it. It’s always ‘fuck and leave’ but never anything more. Why? God damnit, you’re such an idiot. Or maybe I am. I don’t know. Either way, I can’t believe you’re going to pass free sex whenever you want it up all because you ‘don’t do relationship’!”

Delaware was beginning to think this was all a waste of time. Yeah, she had determination but even she had her breaking points. There was only so bullshit one could take before ripping out their own hair. Which is what she felt like doing just then. She growled and covered her face with both her hands. She took a deep breath and tried to plan out her next move, or even if she really wanted to do a next move. At the rate things were going, there wasn’t going to be an end. She sat there for several moment, still straddling Drew’s thighs thinking about whether or not after all this, Drew would be worth giving up the best job she’d ever had for. She peered through her fingers, yeah Drew was worth it, or at least she really hoped she was. Biting onto her lower lip, Del lowered herself again, placing one hand on either side of Drew’s head and keeping most contact between their bodies from happening. She sighed as she peered down at Drew’s face, god how she wished she could wake every day and see Drew’s face. Why? What happened that made you swear of relationships?”

[drew adrian o'connel]

It wasn't like she didn't want to talk this out with Delaware, Drew just couldn't. It was virtually impossible for her to talk about something like this. She was tongue-tied, at a loss for words, the cat got her tongue, whatever phrase you wanted to use. She just couldn't talk about this. Not here, not now, and probably not anywhere else at any other time. There was always that barrier; the wall that kept her detached from everyone else. She had built the wall tall and strong. That was how Drew wanted things. That's how she'd lived her life for the past... however many years it'd been now. She'd lost track of the time. She'd lost track of her past. And now it was coming back to haunt her... or rather, stab her in the back. She glared back up at Del. "I can get free sex whenever I want anyway, so don't fucking worry about that..." she said, her voice low, dangerous.

Good, let Del think that this was a waste of time. She didn't want to be dragged into this hole. Drew was suffering enough through this as it was. She wasn't spitting bull shit, she wasn't asking for a sob story, she wasn't asking anyone to listen. The woman had been set in her ways for a long time now... or for what seemed like a long time. She didn't need anyone to rely on, and she didn't need anyone to rely on her. Life was so much easier like that. Don't let anyone in and they won't let you down. Don't allow yourself to trust. But Delaware had practically broken down all of these barriers with her bare hands, clawing and scratching until Drew had nothing left to defend herself. "You don't want to know," she finally said.

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[delaware zelda meehan]

Of course Drew could get free sex whenever and with whoever, Del was the same way, she just chose not to do it as much as Drew did. ”Trust me, I know about that one,” she replied in the same tone. And yes, Delaware was beginning to get worn out by this endless fight back and forth. She’d never known anyone so set in their ways, especially when it came to something like this. Sure, Del could be satisfied with a relationship with Drew where they were friends again, only this time throwing in the sex. But it was the part where Drew slept with others that Del couldn’t take. She god jealous just at the thought of Drew even looking at someone with that lustful gaze. She couldn’t help it, it was just in her nature now and she felt possessive. It was her Drew and she wanted to keep Drew all to herself.

But she couldn’t keep Drew locked up, no matter how much she wanted to. That would probably drive a higher wall in between them. Hell, if Drew wasn’t the least bit dazed on coke at that moment, the wall probably would have been so high Del couldn’t climb it. But she was breaking, or at least that’s what Del hoped that was what was in her voice. ”But I do want to know. I want to know why you insist on locking me out,” Del said quietly, kissing Drew’s lips chastely. That’s when she figured it was safe to lose the cuffs. The worst that could happen now was Drew to shove her off and cuss her out. Del reached with one hand into her pocket and pulled out the little silver key while playing with Drew’s lips with her own. Del somehow then managed to get the cuffs of Drew and pushed them off the edge of the bed before lying on top of her. She laid her head down on Drew’s chest and sighed, ”please?”

[drew adrian o'connel]

She was exhausted. Drew's body hurt, her head was beginning to throb again, and she could barely feel her arms at the moment. This sucked. This sucked a lot. Why did Delaware have to come here and do this? Why couldn't she have just left like planned; stayed in New York or whatever the fuck she was going to do? Just... just leave Drew here. She'd be fine. She'd done this before. Get coked out, start packing her shit and just leave somewhere too. She could run from her mistakes as well as the next person. Drew could run as far as Del could if it's what she wanted. But she was here, trying to pry information that Drew herself couldn't even think about. Why did she need to know so bad? Why did she have to break Drew down? Was this really happening again?

At last the cuffs had been released. She lowered her arms, not quite sure what to do with them at the moment. They still felt numb and a little shaky from being elevated like that. Drew opened her eyes for a while, looking at her ceiling fan that was slowly rotating in a lopsided manor. "I lock everyone out, it's not just you," she said. That was completely true. No one had gotten a hold of her since... well at least until now. Drew made it that way. She liked it that way. She was safe. Her eyes shut again, hearing perhaps what was Delaware's final plea. How had it all started? Where could her story begin? She rested one arm on Del's back, using the other one to slightly elevate the back of her head as she moved it between the pillow and her head. "I was seventeen. I was in Boston," Drew gulped some air, sighing. "Are you sure?"

[delaware zelda meehan]

Delaware adjusted herself on top of Drew to be more comfortable and frowned slightly. She didn’t want to be locked out like everyone else. Why should she be locked out like everyone else? Well, ok she new way, but didn’t being around for over a year and then coming back earn her at least a little bit of leniency? Or at least knowing why so she can decide if she wanted to remain locked out of Drew’s twisted little world. Well, Del already knew that she wanted to be in her twisted world, even just a little, but she couldn’t help and know not what to do if Drew didn’t give her at least a little instruction in the matter.

She felt at least a little comforted when Drew wrapped her arm around her back. It was a good sign actually. It was even better when Drew started talking to her. She smiled slightly and settled herself down for a long story. She laughed a little when Drew asked if she was sure. ”Yes, I’m sure. I have to know something.” she would have continued on about wanting to help Drew open up a little. Besides it wasn’t like she was trying to get Drew to open up to the entire world, just to her. Just a little. After a few moments of listening to Drew quietly, she began to ghost her fingers over Drews bare stomach and breast.

[drew adrian o'connel]

Delaware was more persistent than anyone Drew had ever met. Sooner or later, everyone eventually gave up on trying to get everything out of her. She was ice cold to anyone who tried to know her, that was just how it worked. But now she had to talk. "Before I left LA, my aunt told me that my dad had been hiding out in a place in Boston. So when I skipped town, I slowly hitch-hiked my way into New York so I'd be close enough to find him, but far enough away so he couldn't find me," she paused, clearing her throat. "There was this truck stop... somewhere in Colorado I think... where this beautiful girl said she'd take me to New York. She was so nice; didn't want to charge me for gas, let me sleep in the bed of the van while she slept in front in one of the seats..."

She looked vaguely at the top of Del's head, a small and reminiscent smile crossing her lips. "She was great. Probably one of the greatest people I've met. Naturally, I told her everything... my father leaving my mom, my mom dropping me at my aunt's and then coming back to find me when she was too high to remember my name. I told her why I left and why I was going to Boston," Drew continued, knowing the story all too well even though she'd never really told anyone aloud. "I spent so much time with her... I told her more about me than I'd ever told anyone. My aunt didn't care how I felt when I learned what happened to my... family, if wanna call it that.

"It felt like a giant pressure was being released from my body. And that girl... Madison... She took it all in stride. She... I fell in love with her during our trip across the country... those few days... I got attatched. We had a connection that two people never had... or at least that was was what I thought, anyway." Drew paused with a sigh. God she could go for a cigarette right about now. "We got to New York, and she asked me to just stay with her until I could collect myself to face my father. Of course I said yes. I was young, but I wasn't naiive. I knew how to take care of myself. I knew how the world worked. But with her... I was enthralled. I didn't... I couldn't..."

Drew stopped, removing her hand from Del's back and putting it to her eyes. She rubbed them, finding strength somewhere to continue. "She had me wrapped around her finger," she finally said after a few moments consideration. Telling Del all this was hard and she probably couldn't have done it if it wasn't for the coke. But something made her press forward. "So one day, after we'd been together for a while, three months I guess it was, I went to Boston to find my father. It was just a small day trip, I took the train, I found the hardware store where he worked. I went to his office and what do you know, he was in the middle of fucking a girl.. some employee, probably underage. I dunno, I didn't ask him. For whatever reason, he knew who I was right away. I yelled for a little while before I finally just gave up and asked him why. Why had he left? And then he told me." This was just getting way too hard.

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[delaware zelda meehan]

Delaware remained quiet throughout her entire speech, listening to the story she’d never heard and almost doubted anyone ever had. They had never talked much about their pasts. A bit here and there. Del knew that Drew had lived in many places before coming here, and Drew knew that she lived in Vegas before coming here to live with her grandmother. That’s about as far as their past talk had ever gone. It was as if the past was someplace neither of them wanted to walk across. They didn’t want to remember the things they had tried to forget. And yet, here they were. Del felt a slight sense of triumph as Drew told her story for the first time, and she tried to force down the guilty thought of almost forcing Drew into it. Well, she had forced her into it, but she had a feeling it needed to be said if they wanted to take another step forward.

When Drew stopped talking, no where near the end either, Del frowned. She sat up and looked at Drew. She looked as if this was tearing her up inside, and damn, Del was the one that had caused that pain. With a deep breath, Del reached down and pulled Drew’s wife beater off and over her head. She then shifted so that she wasn’t lying on top of her anymore, instead she was lying next to her. She bent forward and kissed Drew chastely on the lips before perching herself on her elbow, her free hand curling around Drew’s middle. ”What’d he tell you?” she asked gently, knowing that Drew was getting to the parts that she dreaded the most. But Del wanted to hear, she wanted to know everything.

[drew adrian o'connel]

She was trying to make this as easy for Drew as possible wasn't she? Well, whatever Delaware was doing, it was working. She felt more at ease trying to tell the story, like she could decide what to leave out, what to put in. At times when she thought about it all, things shouldn't be messed up like this... just because what happened to her happened. Any normal person would be over it by now. But it still lingered in Drew's mind. Whenever she fucked someone, whenever she let them in, all of her doubts about people came back to when she was seventeen. She swallowed, clearing her throat a little. "He told me that fucking like this, that being with someone new every night was how it was going to be for the rest of my life. That people couldn't be trusted enough to let them in. So I would just have to live with it," she told Delaware.

"Like he fucking knew what I was there for. Like he knew that I was looking for answers why he'd left my mom and why things were the way they were. Like he knew me," Drew laughed a little, feeling rather foolish. "So I fucking left him there with his girl and rode the train back to New York. Before I met my dad, I believed in love. I believed in the power of two people being together forever. So when I rode the train back, I defied him. I told him to fuck off because I knew I had the real deal. I had Madison. I'd be fine. I wouldn't be like him. And then I got back..."

It was hard to tell now, but tears had started falling from Drew's eyes. She rarely cried, but this was one of those times when she allowed herself. "I got back, walked into the apartment ready to lose it and allow Madison to comfort me, to love me, to be with me like I knew she could," her voice cracked. "But she didn't. She didn't expect me back so quickly. I found her fucking her ex. On the dining room table. I didn't even say anything. I just left. I was on the streets of New York, broken. Until I found the women's shelter, I wanted to just die. I stayed there until I just couldn't anymore. And then I hitched my way out," Drew shook her head. The rest of the story didn't matter. "I never saw or talked to her again."

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